


If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain

by Quinn_the_queer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Peggy Carter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Original Character(s), Originally Posted Elsewhere, Past Child Abuse, Peggy Carter & Howard Stark Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinn_the_queer/pseuds/Quinn_the_queer
Summary: HI! so this is my first work in Ao3 since I just moved from Wattpad, so, bare with me. By the way there are trigger warnings for internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia and physical abuse, so read at your own risk. Anyways enjoy!
Relationships: Peggy Carter & Original Female Character(s)





	If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain

**Author's Note:**

> HI! so this is my first work in Ao3 since I just moved from Wattpad, so, bare with me. By the way there are trigger warnings for internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia and physical abuse, so read at your own risk. Anyways enjoy!

TW: internalized homophobia, Abuse, mentions of homophobia

I tried to focus on the files I had been handed earlier, it was a miracle that I even was in this office, working and all, maybe I was an assistant I saw Peggy walk over putting her coat on.— Y/N, I think there might be a significant progress on Howard's problem, come with me—. I nodded, putting the files apart and also grabbing my coat .

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

After having fought some guys, we went to grab some coffee at the usual place, she was talking about something that happened once in a mission, but I was focused on how her voice sounded, and how she looked, there was a bruise starting to form on her left cheek for taking a punch to the face from one of them.

I always asked myself how did she always managed to look pretty, her hair was always perfect, shiny and wavy, except after missions when it got messy, but somehow it found the way to maintaining the hairstyle.

I shouldn't be feeling this, and I knew that, my heart shouldn't be pounding against my chest every time I see her. I could lose my job over this. But it was hard considering that I live and work with her.

I noticed that she stopped talking and looked at me.—Hey, What's wrong?—. She asked.— It's nothing really, I'm just a little bit tired—. I said fake smiling at her, she looked as if she didn't believe me, still, she picked up her things and stood up, I mimicked her actions, and left money on the table.

As we walked down the street, our hands brushed several times, so I hid them in my coat pocket. And I started to wonder, what it would be like to be able to hold her hand, go out on dates, kiss her and tell her how much I love her, without being judged or having to fear of losing my job, or even being killed.

I wiped a tear of my eye, a bit of my eyeliner coming off. Luckily Peggy was busy unlocking the door.

When we entered our small apartment, I took off my coat, and sat Infront of the mirror to clean off the make up from my face.

— Y/N I think we need to talk—. She says, a chill runs through my body, I sighed and turned to look at her. —I feel like you're hiding something from me—. She says straightforwardly. I furrowed my brow.—Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about—.

She comes closer and kneels Infront of me, I shift a little in my sit.—Whatever it is, know that I'll be your friend no matter what—. She reassured me, after that she stood up and went to the bathroom.

I exhaled when she was out of sight, It's not right, it's not natural, my mother told me that, my father told me the same thing, people said it. Loving a woman could get you killed.

Then I had a flashback, from when I was a teenager

_—What do you think?—. I said showing the flower crown in my hands, she smiled picking it up and placing it on her head.—It's beautiful—. She said, stared at me, almost studying me, I put my hand closer to hers almost testing the territory. She looked down and smiled at me. I took her hand in mine, I took a deep breath while I looked at the sunset Infront of us._

_Then I heard steps coming our way, I let go of her hand and looked behind my back. And there was my mother with a sneer on her face. — What are you doing?—. She said pulling me up from my hair, I yelped trying to get her hand off my hair. Madison tried to stop her but she slapped her across the face._

_I tried reaching out to her but my "mother" grabbed me harshly by my arm and guided be home._

_She tossed me into the living room, I fell in the carpet, while she closed the door I stood up, wincing at the red mark that was now in my arm.—What is wrong with you?!—. She yelled, I furrowed by brow.—Don't act like you don't know! Do you have an idea of the type of abomination that you were doing?!—. As I was about to answer, she yelled back at me.— Don't you dare to talk back!—. She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.—Don't you dare to talk about this to anyone!—._

I wiped a tear off my face, those thoughts were carved in my head from a young age, the idea that I was even thinking about her was indecent, and that it should be kept a secret.

But then I thought, who cares about what's decent and what isn't. I'm sick of living like this, constantly reminding myself of not feeling this way, of having to control the things I think. I refuse to live by the words of hate from my mother. What's wrong in loving someone? What's wrong with wanting to be at someone's side for the rest of my life?, What's wrong with wanting to live being honest to myself?.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

— Are you still awake?—. I said in hopes she was, a few seconds later she answered.—Yes—. I sighed, not entirely sure of my next words, I sat down on my bed, she mimicked my action.— I want to talk—. I said almost as a whisper, she turned on the light. I took a deep breath.

This talk could only go two ways, she accepts me or is completely disgusted by me and probably will move out or kick me out.

— I've recently come to a conclusion that I never thought I would in a thousand years—. She nodded as a sign for me to continue.—I think I'm in love with you—. Her eyes widened for a second, I looked down and prepared myself for the worst, but she slowly took my hands.—I love you too—. she says, I looked up at her, my heart raced in my chest.

And in her eyes I could see the fondness she held behind those words, the sheer truth that came along with it.

That night I understood the meaning of happiness, and how you can find it in not only a person, but also in being true to yourself.

The days that followed I started to feel more relieved as if nothing was holding me back anymore; even though I couldn't be vocal about my love for Peggy in public, I always tried to show it when we were alone.


End file.
